A poem about not being on safari

When I am on safari I feel alive and free,
But life's not like that all the time, oh why can't it be?
Back in Kampala everything is crazy,
There is noise and pollution sometimes my mind gets hazy.
Every day in the morning I trundle to work down the street,
Passing goats, cows, chickens and many random Ugandans to greet.
I arrive at the office and to work hard I try,
But my mind wonders off, to the African bush it does fly.
I dream of the wind in my hair and the sun on my skin,
The hint of lion, elephant, hippo, or perhaps a leopard will step in.
So why can't I be on safari everyday,
Life would be so fine in every single way.

Ode to grasshoppers

I like grasshoppers when they're lively and green,
To cut of their legs and fry them seems really mean.
But they say it's a delicacy and a must in this town,
So I thought I should try it, with some beer to wash them down.
I didn't like the way their eyes looked up at me,
But they were dead and deep fried, so those eyes couldn't see.
When you got up close to the bowl of grasshoppers they really did smell,
To convince yourself they were tasty was a pretty hard sell.
In reality they tasted like chip-oil that had been used for at least a week,
They culminated in a belly-ache the next day that left me feeling quite weak.
A couple of days after the event a live grasshopper landed on me,
it was so pretty and green, so alive and free.
I vow never to eat another grasshopper as long as I live,
They are such a fine creature with so much to give.

Intolerable boredom

Is this session on decentralisation every going to end,
I have no idea what he's talking about, I'm being driven around the bend.
If only he would stop talking, now, straight away,
I would be so happy, it would bring an end to the day.
But on and on and on and on and on he goes,
It is making me glum, I am thinking of many woes.
If I get run over or fall in a ditch on the way home tonight,
I will have spent my last hours in intolerable boredom, it just wouldn't be right.
Oh what can I do to make it all stop,
We haven't got all night you know, I have to go to the shop.
A desperate moment requires a desperate measure,
It might be wrong to poison him but it would give me great pleasure.
It would have to be a potion that would work very fast,
Something like what Romeo and Juliet used, there would be peace at last.
But also I have no poison, I am trapped in this place,
I shall have to resort to putting a pillow over my face.
Oh there is no pillow I have looked all around.
Perhaps I could disappear into a hole in the ground.
Oh I think it's official it's never going to be over,
There would be more chance of finding a four leaf clover.
He is still talking, going on and on,
Now I am starting to feel quite wan.
Everyone is restless, Ed and Michelle just made a run for it,
They are very clever, the rest of us just stay and sit.
My bottom is getting sore, I think its lost blood supply
And others are getting attacked by small creatures that fly.
Oh no surely someone is coming to save us,
They could send in the army if it's not too much fuss.
We could escape to exile in the DRC,
It might not be perfect but at least we'd be free.
Oh we're onto the conclusion could it be ending at last,
If only there was a remote control that could make him go fast.
If it doesn't finish soon I think I might die,
It would be such a waste, folk would be wondering why.
Oh he's finished at last no need to snuff it,
I'm glad I survived now its time to split.
Oh my god! No questions please,
I can't even breath now, I am starting to wheeze.
Please finish now, it's almost five,
And most of us are barely alive.
He's still going, I am not sure what language he talks,
I hope that when I finally get up my legs can still walk.
Oh my god it's the end at last,
Thanks for the memories but it was hardly a blast.

Gosia

My friend Gosia is really, really hot,
All the men in Uganda love her a lot.
They are always declaring their undying love,
They say they fit together like a hand in a glove.
I must learn from Gosia what I am doing wrong,
I would like some undying love in the form of a song.
I think it's because I'm scruffy and I don't wash my hair,
I just can't attract any hot men, it really isn't fair.
So I will go and have a bath and spruce up myself,
I am sure to find a man so I don't get left on the shelf!

Fun, friends, grasshoppers and ICT2

Well it's been a few weeks of safari free life in Kampala and how I miss it. Alas a girl can't stay on safari forever so it's back to reality and everyday life. Despite the total lack of large predatory animals it has been an interesting few weeks culminating in our second week of VSO training (ICT2), a great opportunity to catch up with everyone and reflect on our first two months in country. Did I say two months, I can't beleive that, sometimes I feel as though I have been here for so much longer and at other times I wonder at how fast the time has gone.

Last weekend I helped out at the Hope Ward Fun Run in Kampala, I took people's money (but resisited from embezzling it!) and generally helped out. It was pretty hot and hilly out on the course and I admired the folk who competed. This weekend is the Kampala Marathon, that is only for the very, very brave I think. Anyway there was a good turnout for the fun run that raises money for Hope Ward that is a charity ward at the International Hospital Kampala that provides health care to those who can't afford it, a very worthwhile cause indeed.

Unfortunately I discovered the fine vanilla milkshake at the New York Kitchen in the carpark of Garden City in Kampala. It is a fine thing indeed but am in danger of becoming addicted as are some of my friends. I think life in Kampala in general finds ways of burning it off so I might be saved from a life of obesity.

This week has been characterised by ICT2 which has been a fabulous opportunity to catch up with everyone especially those who have been upcountry. I am not sure if I learned alot during the training but it was lots of fun and there was a fair bit of laughter going on. I seemed to get the role of social organiser, so there were a few dinners and general merriment. One of my friends organised a Ugandan dancing lesson which was lots of fun and a seriously good workout. I was feeling it a bit in the bottom and hamstrings after. I can assure everyone that it is much harder than it looks. We will try again next week and have plans for a grand performance in the future - but we may be dreaming!!

Feeling adventurous during the week we decided to partake in that fine Ugandan declicacy the grasshopper. It is particularly popular around the area that I live. The are sold in plastic tubs, already fried and ready to eat. I have since learned that it is better to buy them fresh and cook them yourself, but really there is a limit in what a girl can do. So we had ready to eat grasshoppers as an appetiser before dinner one night. It had great comic value but I really can't vouch for their gastronomic value. They tasted like month old chip oil and looked a bit like shiny overgrown maggots and the smell if you got too close to them wasn't so appetising. Unfortunately one stray grasshopper fell into my beer, which was when everything started to go astray. If anyone fancies grasshoppers for a quick snack, please think again. They may poison your beer and cause a belly-ache the next day. Proceed with caution!!

The week did produce lots of inspiration for poetry and there have been some fine literary masterpieces created. Poems to follow but for now we shall see what next week brings......

The Great Beer Hair-rinsing Experiment

It was something that seemed like a good idea at the time,
But many have exclaimed that such a waste of beer is surely a crime.
In the name of science, it just had to be done,
And we'd all gone a bit bonkers, too much time in the sun.
So at exactly beer-o'clock we got ready by the pool,
Draped in green towels we were looking pretty cool.
The Nile Special was poured with great care over my head,
It tingled as it went on, 'that means it's working' they said.
The experiment was conducted with great precision,
Everyone had a role to play, there was no indecision.
Jan massaged my head and I drank one more beer,
The non-believer among us thought we were all queer.
I rinsed off the beer in the best shower I've had in a while,
I came out feeling fresh, looking lean and agile.
As the hours went by my hair started to shine,
If I say so myself it was looking pretty fine.
So the experiment is over and the results are in,
To rinse your hair in beer is not such a sin.
It's out with shampoo, I'm afraid its become a has-been,
A beer-rinse once a month will keep your locks shiny and clean.

Boda-Boda Etiquette

When your on the boda-boda it pays to relax,
And it's also good if you travel with a pair of modesty pants.
Going through the Jinja crossroads can get a bit hairy,
But never let the boda driver know that you're finding it scary.
Cool calm and collected that's how you should be,
Try to squeeze your legs together if you don't want to lose a knee.
A helmet is not necessary, best feel the wind in your hair,
And remember never get on until you've agreed on the fare.
People will tell you not to take a boda-boda at night,
But just travel with a friend and it will be alright.
The bodas transport us all around this fine town,
If we follow these rules they'll never let us down

Tree Climbing Lions

Lions are sturdy, they are big and strong,
Lounging in the fig tree is just not where they belong.
But there they are, just hanging around,
It's those pesky tsetse flies that keep them far from the ground.
They are not very graceful climbing in or out of the tree,
The stress of it all can make them want to wee.
A tree climbing lion is a wonderful sight,
And even more spectacular under the full-moon light.

Thank you Helen

Thanks for taking me to Queen Elizabeth National Park,
When all is said and done it was quite a lark.
I keep dreaming of lions, chimps and elephants,
It took quite a while to wash the dirt out of my pants.
When I'm in the African bush I feel alive and free,
So close to nature, no pretending it's just me.
Queen Elizabeth or the Delta, which is the best?
I need a few more visits to each to answer in earnest.

Ode to Paddy

My new friend Paddy wears speedos so blue,
And he sunbathes his inner arms, yes it's weird but true.
Sometimes his chakras are aligned, and sometimes they are not,
But he doesn't let that bother him, not a little or a lot.
White, red, bottle or box, he likes to savor a wine,
But I upset him when I told him it tastes like urine.
Paddy's going home with lots of stories to tell,
So it's goodbye for all of us in Uganda, we wish you well.

Magic moments and a false sense of disappointment

A week out west seemed to be just the thing to celebrate six weeks in Uganda. When settling into a strange new world one needs a little adventure to keep one motivated and inspired. Although inspiration is not something I need to go looking for in Uganda, I find it all around me everyday.

So the week started with an excursion over the equator to Lake Mburo and a fine cruise on the river at sunset, followed by a magical evening by the campfire under a clear sky and a full moon. In the morning while walking the leopard was near. The impalas had spotted him but he was too slick for us. Although evidence of the leopard is all around I wont be convinced of its existence until I spot one with my own two eyes. I think someone invented the myth of the leopard to keep people returning to Africa in the hope of seeing the elusive creature.

Hopes were high as we ventured into Ishasha. Hmmmmn ISHASHA I just love the sound to the word. But is more than just a word, it just could be paradise. As the light was failing we ventured out in search of the famous Tree Climbing Lions of Ishasha. The sun was setting, time was running out, there was a sense of disappointment...... a false sense of disappointment as it turned out as there lounged the lions high off the ground in a lone fig tree as the sun set behind us. It was a truely amazing sight which almost defies words. As the sun set, the full moon took over, it was a very special time, moments that will stay with me forever. Reluctantly we left the lions in the tree and set up our tents in the dark. The night held a multitude of interesting noises. At one stage the baboons went crazy - was there a predator near? A leopard perhaps?????

The next morning we had a wonderful drive in the savanah but the previous evening had wet our appetite for tree climbing lions, we weren't satisfied. Alas there seemed to be no lions in the trees this morning there was a sense of disappointment....... a false sense of disappointment as it turned out as close to our campsite was a lioness in a tree. She was uncomfortable, hot and bothered. I think she had just picked the wrong tree poor lady. After wiggling and snarling for a while she very ungainfully got down from her tree, had a big wee and disappeared into the thickets, away from prying eyes. It was with slightly heavy hearts that we bid farewell to Ishasha and her lions and said hello to the Bush Camp, another slice of paradise in Queen Elizabeth National Park. The outdoor bathroom was something to behold. There just something truly wild about showering to the serenade of hippos, warthogs and a million unidentified birds and insects.

With a rainy start to the day we set off to Mweya. There was a sense of disappointment.....but the rain cleared and we took a wonderful journey by boat on the channel. There were many, many hippos, buffalos, birds and even crocodiles. But our expectations were high, we wanted to see elephants. But where they are usually many there was only one. High on a hill stood a lonley elephant singing yodelli-yodelli-yo-ho-ho. There was a sense of disappointment......a false sense of disappointment as it turned out as on our journey back to the bush camp we saw far away elephants that got closer and closer and converged to cross the road just behind our vehicle. There were big ones and little ones and even some elephant kissing going on, we felt very special. We left the ellies behind and continued our journey with the Rwenzori mountains reflecting in the lakes as we drove by. Hmmmn we thought now for some regular grounds dwelling lions. We took a detour on our lion hunt but the grazing creatures of the savanah were looking a bit too relaxed. No lions tonight, but we had been lucky in Ishasha. Still we where keen for lions and there was a sense of disappointment...... a false sense of disappointment for there in the grass were a couple of lions cubs popping their heads up. And what was that dark shadow near the truck.... we had stumbled upon the whole pride. A big black maned male, a lioness and three mischevious cubs, we felt truly blessed. We watched the family frollicking for ages and just as we were thinking we would leave them to get ready for hunting, another lioness appeared from behind bush. Who she? We all exclaimed. Then there was a movement in the grass. What's that? Oh my goodness, she had with her two tiny cubs who mustn't have been more than a few weeks old. They can't have been back with the pride for long. The lioness goes away to have her cubs and keeps them hidden for a while before she returns to the fold. It was a really special time to share with the pride with all the generations. I never wanted to leave. Life surely doesn't get any better than this.

After a contented sleep dreaming of lions of all sizes we set off into the gorge the next day on foot in search of our closest relative the chimpanzee. It was hard work in the forest, we searched and we searched and we searched, three hours went by and we were still searching. Twisting and turning, being bitten by ants. Reality hit, we may not get to see the chimps. There was a sense of disappointment....... a false sense of disappointment as it turned out as suddenly there was a commotion, screaching and scrambling, the forest came alive. There they were. We spent an amazing 20 minutes or so with the chimps trying to observe then, snap their picture and follow their movements. They were amazing and so human in their expressions and behaviours, it was very special.

So it was offical there was no disappointment to be endured. The universe was truly looking after us. We reluctantly retreated from the Ugandan bush and headed to Fort Portal and some home cooking, a challenging bike ride, a hike up a number of steep hills and a beer hair rinse, all in the name of science! Hmmmn did I say a beer hair rinse??? Well that's another story.......